Are you too perfect to succeed?

Human beings are not perfect. DaVinci’s masterpiece is both beautiful and anatomically accurate. Yet, there is evidence that there are previous versions of the painting underneath the final version. At some point, we need to decide our efforts are good enough. If you’re too focused on perfection you are unlikely to succeed.

While high standards are valuable and important when it comes to achieving results, too much of a good thing can and does backfire. When people adopt unforgiving, rigid, unrealistic, or unreasonably high expectations for themselves, it inevitably has the opposite effect of what they are trying to achieve. This type of thinking is often the root cause of business owners’ disappointing results. Or why someone hits a professional wall.

Impossible goals result in impossible stress

When human imperfections smash up against impossible goals and standards, there is a tendency to focus on the flaws – ours and everyone else’s. The result can be some mean and relentless self-diminishing thoughts, causing stress and anxiety. When directed outward, it can demean and disengage team members or employees, sucking the motivation right out of them.

Perfectionism prohibits the ability to move quickly, be more efficient or delegate tasks. Instead of acting, there is endless analysis or reiterations. Conversely, the drive to constantly do better may also mean quickly trying to resolve problems. It is difficult to be vulnerable and hear less than optimal feedback when something goes awry.

Perfectionists can make lousy leaders

People with inflexible high standards often have a difficult time hiring and retaining people.  They demand that others be able to meet their unrealistic expectations. Perfectionists may feel discomfort providing improvement feedback to others in a tactful way. They may struggle to communicate effectively on sensitive issues or try to increase control over situations. If an overachiever’s uncompromising criteria are accompanied by an unforgiving attitude, the end result can be toxic and a revolving door for employees. And here is the kicker, you probably don’t even realize you are doing it. Or that it is the cause for so many woes.

We are much more successful when we can accept our imperfections and cut ourselves a break. Clients pay for delivering what is promised or a product that works. There is no add-on fee for perfection. Under promising and over delivering can be an effective strategy – spending excessive time and effort to go well beyond what is expected rarely gives us the advantage we hope for. It’s important to learn to pause and assess the benefit to effort ratio. At some point it is critical to identify when investing in improvements is no longer desirable, or profitable. This is often referred to as the law of diminishing returns.

Rewire your brain for better balance

The skills we need to overcome the root cause of needing to be too perfect can be learned. But we must first unlearn the thinking habit that’s getting in our way and understand what is driving the need for perfection. Just like there can be many causes of the sniffles or a sore throat, there are many causes of common behaviors that get in our way. We are all wired to react differently, based on our own experiences. This drive for unrelenting high standards can be caused by many things, including fear, overvaluing control, or rigidity about values.

If you are this way, do you think you can figure it out yourself? I challenge you to. But, if you have been trying to change this behavior for six months, two years, or since forever, you need some rewiring. This is what I do. (I am told I do it really, really well). Using a Neuroscience based approach, I can help you lay waste to those faulty connections and lay down new and transformative neuropathways.

The brain can change — and that changes everything. Start creating your masterpiece.

For more on acquiring Leadership Superpowers go to

Empathy: An Unexpected Leadership Superpower

During this unprecedented time, business owners and corporate leaders must understand how to lead with empathy in order to balance the needs of the business with the needs of their employees. Those who tend to manage, vs. lead, will focus on tangibles; checking off boxes and slowing the financial hemorrhaging. Those things, of course, are critically important. True leaders who employ an unexpected leadership superpower –  empathy – will understand the nuances of the intangibles that help people rise above the turmoil of the crisis. 

Stop and Listen. Your Employees are Human.

An exceptional leader will take extra effort to practice empathy with employees, peers, and strategic partners. Put yourself in other people’s shoes before making decisions. Use that perspective to determine what you say and how you say it. Taking a moment to think about other people’s circumstances, feelings, and struggles will help you strike the right tone, even if you have to deliver bad news. It can make the difference in whether your people feel like a human being you care about or a number on a spreadsheet.

If you are honest about how you are feeling (see superpower #2 Introspection) then those around you will be honest with you. You can then work together to use those uncertainties to drive better teamwork and collaboration. Ask people how they are doing and make it clear you are open to hearing that they are scared, frustrated, angry. By naming what we are experiencing we can move from a “hair on fire”, flight or fight amygdala hijack to a more logic-centered part of the brain. It will ground people and enable them to tap into critical thinking skills. In addition, by signaling that you care about what others are going through you will inspire loyalty. People will trust that they can be candid and open with you. This gives you clarity and ensures that you are getting the full picture and not operating with blind spots. 

The Difference Between Leading and Managing

I am finding that the leaders who are most tuned in to themselves and their team are able to keep people motivated and engaged to achieve a better organizational outcome. “When people feel heard, they will move mountains for you.”  These are the kind of organizations you will see flourish during tough times, as they come up with creative solutions and focus unwaveringly on their customers. These results are why empathy is such an effective leadership superpower.

Be empathetic and watch your team’s morale surge and productivity rise. An empathetic leader is one their people will walk on hot coals for. They will thank you and so will your business!

Next up, employing balanced communications and Kind Excellence to address difficult conversations – Superpower #4

Leading with Introspection Through Turbulent Times

Introspection is a Leadership Superpower

Stress and anxiety are palpable everywhere. Exceptional leaders will recognize this as an opportunity to practice and model introspection, a leadership superpower. This is the opposite of taking the stance “don’t be emotional at work”! People experience emotions all day, everyday and research indicates 70% of decisions are driven by emotion, not logic. While emotions are running high right now, self-awareness, skillful observation, and active listening is required when leading with introspection.

The key is to recognize emotions and take hold of them instead of letting them take hold of us. When we are stressed, anxious, fearful, angry – our amygdala gets hijacked and all logic goes out the window. We become incapable of problem-solving, thinking linearly, finding the root cause or being creative. People who have become overwhelmed or triggered either become very reactive – like losing their temper – or they shut down. Neither is productive.

Introspection results in better outcomes

Practicing introspection means we identify for ourselves, or to others, what emotion we are experiencing, process it, and decide what to do with it. During a crisis, it is important to model this for others, especially if you lead a team or organization. It is a strength, not a weakness, to know when you need support. Your team, peers and clients will respect you for being able to say “I’m concerned… I need your help…” They will be much more likely to rally around you and do what needs to be done. Think about it – wouldn’t you rather hear that kind of honesty vs. someone losing their shit in a meeting? It is a sign of trust to be able to tell someone they disappointed you or made you angry.

Introspective people see their own biases and assumptions and make an active effort to push past them. This is critical during a crisis. No one person has all the answers or all the best ideas. An introspective leader can identify the pang they may feel when someone comes up with an idea that is better than theirs, and move past the blow to the ego to realize the best idea is what is most important. 

Introspection leads to action

This is a fearful time. Anyone who says they are not experiencing any fear right now is a big fat liar. What many people don’t understand is that by merely acknowledging we are afraid we start to master the fear. When we stuff down emotions they cause havoc. Avoidance accomplishes nothing and often results in the problem only getting bigger. Once we name what we are experiencing we can then start to confront it and problem-solve what to do about it.

Your people need to see, not just hear, that it’s ok to be feeling overwhelmed or anxious or stressed. When you allow people to name what they are experiencing and explain its impact, it helps diffuse it. Then you can help them identify what they need to be able to move past it.  

Mastering and leading with introspection is the first step to learning true empathy. Once we become cognizant of why we do things, it enables us to be open to why others might be reacting a certain way.

Stay tuned for Superpower # 3 – Empathy.


Use Self-Awareness as a Leadership Superpower

Business owners and leaders are under tremendous pressure right now. First and foremost – take care of yourself! The more people that are depending on you – family, employees, strategic partners – the more important it is for you to stay healthy physically and mentally. Then, use self-awareness as your leadership superpower during this crisis to make you a more effective leader of your business, career, and family.

The Great Differentiator Between Success and Failure

One of the most important differentiators between great leaders and those who are merely managing the nuts and bolts is that they utilize self-awareness. I define this skill as the ability to honestly and objectively assess your actions, responses, feelings, and skills without beating yourself up about what you discover. This requires objectivity and balance, and when done effectively, the ability to be self-aware becomes a real leadership superpower.

A study was done analyzing two business owners who had been in business for ten years in the same industry. They came from the same area and received equal educations and access to resources. They were tested for IQ and leadership skills and scored similarly, with the exception of self-awareness. The business owner who had developed a high level of self-awareness had surrounded herself with people who had the skills she lacked and brought in outside help when needed. As a result of being objective about herself and being willing to learn new ways of doing things she built up a $1 billion-dollar company. The business owner who scored low in self-awareness had always struggled during the ten year period was about to file for bankruptcy.

Now is the time to be confident in what you do well and to get real about where you struggle. 

From there, you can use your strengths to find solutions, and help, with the latter. Be creative – if you are honest with “your people” (peers, employees, your network, friends, family) about where you are struggling, they will step up to help. Look at your team, your peers, your network as a resource. What skills do they have that you don’t, and how might your strengths benefit them? You see what people are made of during a crisis. I am heartened by all the genuine support being offered by so many. 

It is Critical to Look Inward

Pay particular attention to the internal chasms that have become obstacles during these times of stress and address them before they derail your progress. Ask for feedback on how you are handling things and then really listen and act on that information. Find someone to be your accountability partner and help each other push outside your comfort zones. While it may seem counterintuitive, the best time to work on yourself and your business is when it’s hitting the fan!

Finally, identify any mistakes you’ve made, figure out what you can learn from them, forgive yourself, and then move on. There is nothing to be gained from ruminating on woulda, coulda, shoulda’s. People who lead with self-awareness can objectively view missteps as growth opportunities and understand that one cannot push outside comfort zones without taking risks and screwing up.

Self-Awareness is the first step to becoming introspective and allows us to become comfortable owning the solutions that will get us through a crisis.

Stay tuned for Leadership Superpower #2 – Introspection